It isn't over yet
Hello All,
Wow, it has been a while... it's been over a year since this wretched COVID-19 pandemic began. It has been QUITE the year. This changed everything. It touched (for most of us who give a damn about our fellow human beings) every aspect on how we live every day life. I want to speak about a few things... Home life and work life.
As far as home life, it has been a good and a bad experience. I'll get the negative out of the way so that I can focus on the positive afterward. First, I lost 5 family members to Covid-19. That alone would be enough to break anyone...but missing funerals, birthdays, hugging our loved ones, and seeing those I care about the most has been extremely difficult. Since the days of Xanga (an old blogging community from the early 2000's), I am going to do something that I thought I'd never do again... TW: Suicide. I am going to talk about some of my darkest days and the events that nearly took place around the time of our last presidential election. I was going to end it all. I had it planned out and then the song "Human" by Fyke came on though my car stereo speakers. I remember hearing the lyrics "If you can't take the weight, You're not alone".. it hit. I cried one of the most emotional cries I've ever had. I remembered what the band's message about mental health was and I took steps to get help. Now, I am a man who cries, a man who asks for help ( that's been hard), and a man who goes to therapy. My wife deserves better and so does my son. I can wholeheartedly say I am working on it and doing my best.
That was the negative. So what's the positive? I will probably never again experience a 3 month paid vacation from work again in my lifetime . I am one of the lucky ones. My government job did the right thing. I got to re-establish more of a meaningful relationship with my wife and son. The pandemic showed a lot of people's true colors as well. It helped me see who I really wanted to keep in my life and those that I can do with less of. Those who politicize keeping others' safety even though you yourself are not at risk (or a higher risk) really showed me how much I need to have my guard up. I learned that my wife isn't my therapist. I learned that I am responsible for my own happiness, and I can't have that hang on anyone else. I think I have grown tremendously, and I plan to continue that for all the years I have left on this planet.
Ok, that was heavy... Thanks for sticking with me. Let's talk about work. As I mentioned before, I have a government job. I have my photography business too. I went back to my government job with safety precautions, and it hasn't been too bad. Honestly, having that break and knowing that my health condition was taken seriously really did reinvigorate me for that job. As much as I complain about it at times, I know it's a true blessing.
Photography... It has all changed. I went from focusing on the bigger events like weddings, parties and larger groups to the complete opposite. The smaller, the better: my sessions now are all of one household families, engagement sessions, and headshots. I also really started diving deeper into landscapes and nature photography. I have been transitioning from one side of the spectrum to the other through this pandemic. I am now the milestone photographer! I am looking forward to capturing the more intimate and smaller memories that tend to get lost in the grand scheme of things. Don't let them; freeze them in time. Keep them to look back on later. It's one of my favorite things to do, its brings me great joy.
I can't tell you how much business I have turned down during this pandemic, but I don't regret it. I have very precious cargo who is not able to vaccinated yet and another precious cargo who has a compromised immune system. I will keep this up for the foreseeable future. If you respect me and care about what I have to say, please don't disrespect me by trying to make me do otherwise.
I wish you all happiness, love and health.
If you or anyone you know needs help... YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are special, you are valued. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Respectfully,
Lex
